Confessions Suck

My sad reality. I'm scared of the dark. Why? Maybe because I snuck out of bed and sat on the stairs as a little girl and watched in horror as a tree ate a little boy (Poltergeist) before my mom found me and sent me back to bed. Maybe it was because I remember seeing silhouettes outside of my window late at night and was too paralyzed by fear to move and tell mom & dad. Maybe it was because of the urban legends and spooky stories my friends and I would tell each other trying to see who would wet their pants 1st or get scared enough to have to go home from the slumber party. Who knows when and why it started, but I do know that it has stuck with me through my 34 years of life. Sad to admit. In fact, after staying up late tonight and watching a scary movie with a friend... we spoke a little about insomnia and I admitted that I still fear the dark... and even have rituals to help me sleep at night. I truly think my most recent rituals stem from my divorce 7 years ago... as does my insomnia.

Ritual #1:

I have to put something in front of the door at night (back door and front door). It is not anything big, and it is not meant to blockade the door. Sometimes it is a carpet, a pair of shoes or if the garbage is by the back door... the garbage. Again, it is never anything that would stop an intruder, but it makes me feel safer knowing that there is something there. (This started after my husband left me. He had moved us all into a house out in the woods, away from everything and everyone. And the night he left... I realized our front door didn't lock. So I pulled my big ceramic statue in front of the door to keep in closed/locked at night. It made me feel safe. Well, I have since moved, and I have very sturdy set front and back doors that lock just fine... but I still feel the need to put something in front of them at night). Last week a pizza box saved my life.

Ritual #2:

I tuck my feet under my covers at night, right before I go to sleep. Why? So nothing will grab them. (Has anything ever grabbed them before? No. But for some strange reason, I think some psychotic man/creature will crawl across my bedroom floor whilst I am sleeping, and he will stretch his long bony fingers out and tug on my toes.. maybe even pull me under the bed. But if my feet are tucked, I am magically safe.)

Ritual #3:

The snuggle factor. I can't sleep without snuggling something/someone. Since I dont have the latter, I use body pillows. I have two pillows the length of my body that I place on either side of me. I sleep on the right side at first, in my famous "Flamingo Pose" (one leg is straight down, the other is lifted up like a flamingo and I lay it across my body pillow) in the middle of the night I toss and turn.. but no worries, for I have a body pillow on either side of me, so no matter where I turn, I can flop my leg over a pillow and then hug it.

So there you have it. I decided to share some of my weird quirks with you tonight. I hoped that maybe by sharing them with the world, I would see the hilarity in my actions and maybe stop... but instead, I have to sign off now... I need to put a dryer sheet in front of my back door to keep me safe tonight.

Goodnight