I dreamed a dream too...

I had to share.... this was powerful. Sometimes your dreams don't come true.

dream 2 @ Yahoo! Video

Things That Inspire Me

I was asked the other day, "How are you able to be so happy when you have been through so much in your life?" The answer came easy... "Because I have so much to be thankful for."

I say that because I truly believe it. Sure, we all have had our "down" days. There are times when after I put the kids to bed I have cried myself to sleep. But overall, I AM a happy person. Do you know why? Because there are others who have it worse than me, and yet they keep smiling and they keep moving forward... never giving up. To me, inspiration comes from an underdog who refuses to give up! For this I am grateful. Thank you... to everyone who has ever suffered in this life and have pressed forward no matter what. YOU are my example. YOU make make me stronger! Thank You for inspiring me!

The Father Son Duo

"Dad,'' he typed, when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year." Read More HERE

Another Father Son Duo

Patrick Hughes is a young man at Univ. of Louisville who was born blind and crippled and yet now plays the piano beautifully as well as "marches" in the Louisville marching band.

Don't Laugh At Him, Sing With Him

It was Disability Awareness day and the folks at Fenway did a lot of great things for kids with challenges..here is one who sang and when he got nervous the Fenway Faithful helped him out

No Arms To Hug, But A Heart To Love

A mother's love, knows no boundaries. An amazing story of a wife and mother who didn't let anything stop her from having the life she so desperately wanted.

Jason's Shot

Autistic basketball player Jason McElwain has the game of his life. This one always makes me cry.

Move forward... and smile. The only time life is hard... is when you give up trying.

I Caught A Troll

Sometimes the truth is funnier than fiction. Who needs urban legends when you have experienced this first hand? Rebecca, a sales girl who I work with in radio came into my office and told me the funniest thing I have EVER heard. She was out to lunch with her girlfriend recently at one of my favorite restaurants in town. While they were talking, her friend's phone started to go off repeatedly with calls and text messages from one of her "clients".

(Rebecca's friend works with adults who are mentally ill or are mentally unstable... hence, her "clients")

When Rebecca questioned her... she said, "Oh, it's one of my clients... he keeps texting me saying he 'caught a Troll'". They laughed and continued to visit. More Texts came in saying the same thing, "I caught a Troll... you have to see it! I caught a Troll!"... soon her phone was ringing off the hook.

"Hello?"

"Quick.. come over... I CAUGHT A TROLL!"

So, her friend decided to leave and check in on her client because he was REALLY getting out of hand with this whole, "I caught a Troll" lunacy. So her friend left and headed over to this guy's house. She had to make sure he is ok because her client was really worked up and excited over catching this 'fictitious Troll'. When she showed up, she was met at the door by her wide eyed client who repeatedly told her the same thing he had been saying all along, "I caught a Troll, I caught a Troll".

She asked, "Ok... well... where is this Troll?"

"It's in the closet!"

He pointed to the coat closet.. and she walked over to it and unlocked it... that's when she saw him. He wasn't lying... he had caught something alright.

.

.

wait for it

.

.

.

It was a midget 2010 Census Taker. He had showed up at this mentally unstable guy's house to take a census and the guy thought he was a Troll, grabbed the midget and locked him in his closet... proud to have caught a Troll for the day.

True Story

The poor guy was in there for 2 hours. He called 911, but didn't know where he was or what address to give the police.

PRICELESS!

True Love

Single motherhood... it's a hard life. You don't fit in with the single crowd, and you don't fit in with the married crowd. If your ex-husband chooses not to be a part of their children's lives (my scenario) then the title takes on a whole new meaning. Now you have to be the mother AND the father. It is stressful, and it is painful and you never feel like you have truly fulfilled the measure of either title. I feel like I constantly let my kids down. Either because of work, or because I am too tired or because I try to socialize with other adults on occasion. Not to mention how crazy it gets trying to date someone whilst being a single mother. The life is hard, I wont lie to you. If you can make your marriage work... stick with it.... work it out... because single motherhood is not a flashy new life for you. I never wanted to be one, but it happened. That being said, I have accepted my role as both a father and a mother. My mom has taken it upon herself to help me as well. She has taken up the mothering, nurturing role, whilst I have taken the father role. She watches the kids after they get out of school, helps them with their homework and even feeds them dinner most nights. I go to work, come home tired, ask how the kids are, sign school papers that she has laid out on the counter for me. Then I take my children home, make them dinner occasionally, and have them brush their teeth and head to bed... because school is currently in session, and being up past 8pm is not an option. (We struggle to get up and get to school on time if we have stayed up too late). So as you can see, my life is ALL work.. and a two to three hour window with me being an actual "mom" to my children. Hence why my guilt builds and builds... and I feel like I am constantly disappointing my children. I feel like I have never been good enough or strong enough to be a mother to them. I feel like a failure most nights after I tuck them in for the night and look back on how much time I had to spend with them... quality time. It is never enough.
But....
All my fears and insecurities were put to rest after tonight. My children surprised me with the coolest mother's Day EVER!!!
My youngest son Jude presented me with a homemade paper flower vase that he colored orange (my favorite color) and blue (his favorite color) and then filled it with paper flowers that he made and colored. And on each stem of the flowers is a service that he is willing to do to help me around the house. It was soooo sweet. Calvin, my second to oldest, made be a beautiful book cover with his picture on it, and inside housed the most precious two page letter EVER. It was a letter from him, telling me why he loved me and why I was the best mom in the world. I started to cry reading it out-loud... heck, I'm crying now typing about this. Then Riley... my oldest... pulls out a DVD and asks me to play it. She has taken it upon herself to learn how to edit pictures and movies in Windows Movie Maker on the computer, and made me a FULL DVD of old home videos and pictures of our lives together... me and my kids. From start to end. The music that plays in the background is "You Raise Me Up" from the Celtic Woman's CD... a very beautiful version... and a song from the Broadway play Wicked, that I love called "I Knew You"... with lyrics like this:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

This is when the crocodile tears of happiness began to flow. Watching my life unfold on the TV... my early years. My daughter who is 13 years old now... a baby, in my arms on the screen. Followed by the boys... telling the story of our lives. The moments that were captured. The first steps, the birthdays, the tears and the laughter... all on this beautifully made DVD by my daughter who has grown to be such a warm hearted, sweet soul. I truly don't know where I would be without her. Or my boys for that matter. It was such a display of love, that I was so overwhelmed that I was choking on my tears trying to keep it together.

"They did this for me?"

What have I done for them?

I am so undeserving of these children. They have loved me unconditionally, and infinitely... regardless of my faults, my lack of time, or my inability to fill both father and mother roll. They have loved me through the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad... the hard and the easy... for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health.... well, you get the idea. To them, I am Super Mom. Which blows my mind... because in my eyes I am a big fat FAILURE! But my three children tonight... showed me differently. They lifted me up, brushed me off... and let me know that I was loved. It was the most amazing experience EVER. I have never felt so loved or so complete.

True Love.... it is raising a child.

I love you kids! Thank you for such a special evening. You make me PROUD of my title.... "MOM".

SAD!

30,000 New Cheaters: AshleyMadison, the online dating site for married people, says the day after Mother's Day is their second biggest day of the year for new female clients. 3,000 women sign up for their services on an average Monday, but last year, 24,000 signed up the day after Mother's Day. This year, Ashley Madison is expecting 30,000 new female enrollments. Company reps say the top reason married women decide to cheat are inattentive spouses, who make them feel unloved, unappreciated and take them for granted.

And so it goes... These are the days of my life

Loss... Such an empty word. Does it sound empty to you because of the hissing S's on the end... Or because you too have experienced the full meaning of this word? I choose the latter. I have lost a lot of things in my life. I lost a beautiful necklace that I inherited from my grandmother when someone stole it at a church event in NY (even though my mother had warned me not to take it). I lost my father to cancer at age 18 and have never thought I could feel such pain again... Until I lost my husband and my children lost their father. Over the years that followed, I lost mundane things... my keys, my purse, even my sanity. But my most recent loss haunts me. It is a forbiden fruit that torments me with it's sweetness... Only to sour in my stomach moments later. Am I allergic to it? Has it not ripened? Why would it taste so good when it brings so much pain to eat it? These things I ponder in a small town in Idaho tonight... and so it goes.... and so it goes

HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!

Taken from Wookieepedia:
"Typical festivities consist of inviting fellow Star Wars-obsessed friends to stay over, and then watching the series in succession. Lots of snacks, bring lightsabers and Star Wars-themed toys. Lightsaber fights in the early morning hours optional."

In honor of National Star Wars Day... here are a few of my favorite Star Wars Bits of humor. (Vader of the Opera being my FAVORITE!)

Confessions Suck

My sad reality. I'm scared of the dark. Why? Maybe because I snuck out of bed and sat on the stairs as a little girl and watched in horror as a tree ate a little boy (Poltergeist) before my mom found me and sent me back to bed. Maybe it was because I remember seeing silhouettes outside of my window late at night and was too paralyzed by fear to move and tell mom & dad. Maybe it was because of the urban legends and spooky stories my friends and I would tell each other trying to see who would wet their pants 1st or get scared enough to have to go home from the slumber party. Who knows when and why it started, but I do know that it has stuck with me through my 34 years of life. Sad to admit. In fact, after staying up late tonight and watching a scary movie with a friend... we spoke a little about insomnia and I admitted that I still fear the dark... and even have rituals to help me sleep at night. I truly think my most recent rituals stem from my divorce 7 years ago... as does my insomnia.

Ritual #1:

I have to put something in front of the door at night (back door and front door). It is not anything big, and it is not meant to blockade the door. Sometimes it is a carpet, a pair of shoes or if the garbage is by the back door... the garbage. Again, it is never anything that would stop an intruder, but it makes me feel safer knowing that there is something there. (This started after my husband left me. He had moved us all into a house out in the woods, away from everything and everyone. And the night he left... I realized our front door didn't lock. So I pulled my big ceramic statue in front of the door to keep in closed/locked at night. It made me feel safe. Well, I have since moved, and I have very sturdy set front and back doors that lock just fine... but I still feel the need to put something in front of them at night). Last week a pizza box saved my life.

Ritual #2:

I tuck my feet under my covers at night, right before I go to sleep. Why? So nothing will grab them. (Has anything ever grabbed them before? No. But for some strange reason, I think some psychotic man/creature will crawl across my bedroom floor whilst I am sleeping, and he will stretch his long bony fingers out and tug on my toes.. maybe even pull me under the bed. But if my feet are tucked, I am magically safe.)

Ritual #3:

The snuggle factor. I can't sleep without snuggling something/someone. Since I dont have the latter, I use body pillows. I have two pillows the length of my body that I place on either side of me. I sleep on the right side at first, in my famous "Flamingo Pose" (one leg is straight down, the other is lifted up like a flamingo and I lay it across my body pillow) in the middle of the night I toss and turn.. but no worries, for I have a body pillow on either side of me, so no matter where I turn, I can flop my leg over a pillow and then hug it.

So there you have it. I decided to share some of my weird quirks with you tonight. I hoped that maybe by sharing them with the world, I would see the hilarity in my actions and maybe stop... but instead, I have to sign off now... I need to put a dryer sheet in front of my back door to keep me safe tonight.

Goodnight