Insomnia

I opened up my blogger to make a post about insomnia and why I can't sleep, but instead found myself having a Déjà vu about doing just that. I was about to post how I can't sleep because I have noisy brain. Endless thoughts about last words written and a broken heart... and then came my Déjà vu. To me, that means I have seen this scenario played out before... in a dream, in my previous life. Either way, to me, it means it was 'in the cards'... supposed to happen. That was an awakening. The very thing that was bothering me, and keeping me up, is now an event that was 'supposed to occur'. Instead of feeling uneasy about what has recently transpired in my life, I now wonder if it was the best thing... for me... for my children. I feel peaceful right now. Maybe this was supposed to happen, the heartache... so there wouldn't be further broken hearts down the road (like my children's). I have always asked one thing of God, "Please spare my children, let any harm happen to me first before they are EVER hurt in ANY manner". "Let me take the blow". Tonight I just realized that my prayers were answered. I may not like the hurt and the heartache, but maybe, just maybe... by me experiencing that now... absorbing the blow now... it saved them from being hurt further down the road. Tonight... I am grateful! Thank you God.